Hurt

*****Disclaimer*****

This is a guest post by my current depressed state. If you wish to continue and learn more about what's going on in my head, please do. If you're happy with your impression of me, I suggest you read further into what's going on. Feel free to message me, ask questions, whatever, but please also understand that this is the me that has been roaming this Earth for the past 2 months. No, I'm not exactly okay, but I'm getting there.

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Yeah, it hurts.

It hurts when your "friends" don't see (or choose not to see) what you're going through, and choose to leave you out where you would otherwise be welcome.

It hurts to watch your mom and so many people whom you love get trampled on and thrown away, and not know the reason.

It hurts when there's so much going on and you're trying to stay neutral, but constantly feel a pain in your chest like your heart is being ripped to pieces.

It hurts to have anxiety attacks for no reason.

I'm hurt by the situations that are going on.

It hurts to lie in bed every night, wondering if you made the right choices. Wondering why you're having such a hard time in this life. Wondering if things will get better.

It hurts when you start to wonder if you can really trust your friends again, or if it'll be the same situation that has torn your family's friendships apart time and time again.

It hurts when you have no one to turn to because you find yourself putting on a mask every time you see your friends, in fear that they'll misunderstand.

It hurts to never be able to truly have fun, because there's a voice in your head that's constantly reminding you of all the mistakes- all of your problems and stress- that cause you to spiral downwards again. 

Life hurts like nothing else.

The best we can do is attempt to get through it.

Do our best, and give happiness a fighting chance.

But when happiness is hard to find, you have to keep fighting.

I guess that's the only thing to do. Hope it gets better. Hold out for when you can truly be happy again. Because for me, it doesn't feel like it'll be soon.

Live long and prosper.

That's it.