Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Pirate's Life for Me

Ahoy!

The moment none of you have been waiting for:

I've finally decided what I'm going to do with me life.

You see, I was recently told about a program at MIT where ye can get a "Pirate" certificate. So I thought, "Why not?"

I've decided to be a professional pirate- complete with pillaging, old Spanish treasure, and epic coats.

How will I do this, you ask?

Well, I recently found out that my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather had a cousin who's wife's son's 3rd cousin twice removed on his mother's side inherited a tiny little pirate ship from his father's cousin's butler. So really, piracy is in me blood.

I realize that I've never sailed across any oceans, I'm not terribly good with a sword (although, I did train as a Jedi in a past life), and I don't have a crew yet. I have, however, seen "Pirates of the Caribbean" a few times, so I'm pretty much an expert on all matters "pirate".

I will be captain of the ship "The Wandering Night" (other name suggestions can be commented below, but seeing as this is a monarchy, I'll be deciding everything), and my dear comrade Elizabeth Holmes will be Co-Captain. She's too good for the title of "First Mate".

If you'd like to apply to be part of me crew, please see below. We're currently hiring a First Mate, deck swabbers, canon firerers, and a couple assorted deck hands. That reminds me, I need to ask Elizabeth Holmes if she is indeed willing to join my crew. I suppose I'm also hiring a secretary to keep up with all my important appointments. Parrots are suggested, but not required, as are wooden legs, eye patches, and tattoos (extra points if they're sea-related).

The job pays in gold doubloons and bragging rights, but is entirely based on how much we plunder that given day/week. The better you are at plundering, the more you'll make, and the more bragging rights you'll earn.

Applicants must be prepared to leave their homes, livelihood, and families to join me for an exciting life at sea. Please consider this before applying.

Captain is not responsible for injuries or death.

Note: my name is not "Captain Jack Lucian" and my ship is not "The Sudden Death". How dare they disrespect me?

Fill out the application and return it to me. You will be informed by gunshot if you're someone we could sail with for months on end.

 One shot: Yes

Two shots: No

Please keep one ear listening for your answer. You will not be informed twice. And be sure to be at the dock at the appropriate time- we leave at dawn.

Any questions can be sent to I, your Capt'n.

May th' wind be ever in ye sails and the Jolly Roger be ever flying above ye.

And be sure to have a jolly April first.