Thoughts on a Blustery Day

It's a blustery day. And by blustery, I mean that there were winds reported at over 100 mph. 

So, what better time to contemplate life? It's a rhetorical question. There is no better time to contemplate life.

Do you ever wake up one day with an unquenchable desire to do or be something that you've been wanting to do/be for a long time? Like, it's been brewing in the back of your mind for months, maybe years, and it just wakes up one day like "Remember me? Please put everything you have into making me a reality."

Laugh all you want, but for me, it's a Kpop idol (or a Korean translator; either way would be great). If you know me or have been reading my blog, you know that I'm obsessed with all things Korean. I haven't been shy about sharing that information in any way, shape, or form. There has always been a desire to move to follow up with this strange interest that God has placed in me, ever since I've accepted it as a permanent part of who I am.

I plan on moving to Korea after college, and hopefully doing some study abroad programs while I'm still in school. This has been my plan for about a year now.

But then the "What ifs" start talking. 

What if I minored in Korean and dedicated a lot more of myself to learning the language and improving in dancing, singing, and acting?

What if I auditioned for the entertainment company that so many of my favorite groups are from?

What if I was actually accepted as part of the entertainment company? Would I be prepared to give up everything that I know and love to move to a foreign country and start perhaps the hardest years of my life?

(The answer is yes, by the way. I would give it up in a heartbeat)

But why now? Why am I all of the sudden wanting to start living like a trainee for a huge entertainment company? It's one of those things that you just look up at the sky and say, "What are you brewing up there, God?"

Like I said before, the desire has always been there, but I've always seen it as impossible. Is it that I've become more of a dreamer overnight? Or perhaps that I'm going low-key crazy? Perhaps. But still, this is something that I feel I need to pursue. Maybe not the whole "Kpop idol" fantasy, because that seems a little crazy even for me. But definitely this strange desire to be in a country that I never even gave a thought to before my best friend showed me a cool music video two years ago. 

Along with this desire comes the thoughts of not wanting to get married, not wanting to have kids, and wanting to live alone. Who knows where those ideas came from.

God does some crazy things. In the past couple years, I've gone from wanting to be a professional ballerina and loving all things pink and cute, to wearing black skinny jeans, beanies, and rapping in Korean while busting out some crazy dance moves. 

I'm sensing a dancing trend here...

I would call it an insecure teenage faze, except for the fact that I've almost never been happier with my life and with myself.

This may be who I am for the rest of my life, and I couldn't be happier.

Live long and prosper. Life only happens once. Create yourself so that you can look in the mirror and say "Wow. I love that person and where he/she's going. Let's do this thing."

:)